My Only Company
by idkgirl27
Summary: This is South Park. All of our problems, whatever they are, they always have a solution. Nothing's permanent in this shitty town. Not even this. You'll probably be here tomorrow alive and not... Cartman's P.O.V.


Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Move, dumbass!

Just stop lying there!

I know you're faking it!

You're not really….

No, you're just fucking with me. Well, this joke stopped being funny awhile ago and it's not even a very good one either.

I mean, what kind of trick are you trying to pull on me?

Do you really think that lying there on the floor and pretending that I actually hurt you is funny? Well, newsflash, it's not and it's getting old.

You must have just realized this too, fucking finally. You're cries are now just pathetic gasps and the panic in your eyes is glazing over.

That's good. You've finally calmed the fuck down. So get your ass up so we can start playing again! You better respect my authority this time or I'm not going to let you play anymore!

You let out one last sound. I can't even name it. I've never heard it before but it's really not funny. Especially the part where you hold your breath and your chest stops moving.

Up and down and now…. It's stopped.

Come on, I didn't even do anything that bad! Stop being a baby and get up!

It's not my fault that you pissed me off, it's not my fault that I pushed you and that you fell back, and it's not my fault that you landed and hit your head!

Fuck.

I walk over to you and give you a kick, not very hard but with enough force to tell you that you better start getting up.

Except that you're not.

You don't even move.

Why aren't you fucking moving?

I give you another kick this time putting more effort into it but still nothing.

Fuck.

No, this can't be…

You can't be…

_dead_.

I wasn't even trying this time and I've….

I've _killed _you?

I've always said that that was what I wanted, you dead because of me. But now that it's happened….

No.

No, no, no!

This…

This is just part of the game, right?!

I don't want you to be….

I never wanted this, not really.

It was just something I would say, a joke, just part of the game.

If I really had wanted you dead I would have done it long ago and differently. I would have done it in the worst, most painful, most humiliating way, after months and months of planning, so I could show everyone why they shouldn't fuck with me.

I didn't want you dead.

I never did.

Even if I said it I never meant it.

I need you here with me.

Alive.

You need to stop this game and wake up so we can be like how we always are.

So I can pretend to hate you and remind you of how little you meant to the world, to me.

All those things I said were lies.

I don't hate you.

I never hated you.

You were the only person that I actually….. _liked_.

The only person I ever saw as an actual _human_.

It's true. I hate the world and all of the dumbfucks who live on it.

But I didn't hate you.

You're not supposed to be….

You're supposed to be alive and with me.

Whenever I looked into the future I saw you there by my side, my only company. And that was okay with me because that was all I ever really wanted.

You and me together.

But now….

No.

This is South Park.

All of our problems, whatever they were, they never lasted. There was always some solution.

Nothing's permanent in this shitty town.

Not even this.

You'll probably be here tomorrow alive and not…

You'll have forgotten this and no one will question how this was even possible because everything was possible, just not permanence.

Yeah, everything's going to be okay.

Everything will go back to normal.

Hell, you might even wake up right now but….

You don't look like you will.

Your skin, which always got slightly pink whenever your emotions would show, which would be all the fucking time, goddamnit you're such a fucking drama queen, now has a blue tint instead.

Well, I guess that's expected.

You are…

But the thing I didn't expect was that your eyes would change.

I always kinda liked them. Partly because my own sucked ass but your eyes were always so full of….. _life_

You were the only person I ever saw with that eye color. I always wished that mine weren't so brown and bleh and were more like yours.

Not only was the color unique but just the expressions they held, they told stories.

One look into your eyes told me everything.

You never did learn how to hide your emotions.

But you never needed that skill. You had no horrible secrets to keep. Not like me.

I never said it but you were always just better than the rest of us, including me.

You were so pure.

The dirt that would occasionaly fall off of me and onto you never stayed, never stained your soul like how mine was.

You were too good for that.

Too good for me.

And I should have hated you for that but I never did.

I…. I…..

I'll never say it.

Not even when I'm looking into your eyes, so dull and empty.

But that's okay.

Probably for the better.

You'd never be able to feel the same way.

Maybe eventually you would have but now you're dead.

And when you wake up you'll probably hate me. you already hated me but you've always been able to keep it under control and release it with minimal damage.

While I'd crack at everything. I've never been resilient, not like you. I give up and instead of walking away or trying to fix my mistakes, I've always been one to get revenge. Even when there was no one to blame but myself, I'd always find someone to take my anger out on.

That someone was usually you.

I wonder, when you wake up will you be able to keep your hate under control? Or will you finally break and not stop until you've annihilated me?

You could you know.

Destroy me.

Only you though.

No one else seems to have any control over me but you do. You've made me rethink myself so many times. You're the one who's always known where to strike but you never did.

Not even after all the things I did to you.

That's why I'll never deserve you.

Never have you.

At least, not completely, not honestly.

I've done too much.

But maybe when you wake up and you get your revenge, things can go back to normal.

And maybe once we get over this obstacle you can learn too.

Learn to feel the same way.

Yeah, I like that idea.

All you have to do now is wake up.

**A/N: I had this idea but couldn't choose who Cartman would be talking about. So I'll let you guys/girls/inbetweeners decide. I had two different people in mind but this works for both of them.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading!**


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